Monday, 16 June 2008

Sean Treacy and the crocodile.

Got a text message today off the mother. She wanted to let me know that a friend of mine was in hospital in Mexico after a crocodile had attacked him and Billy saved him. I was seriously thinking she was off her meds. So I just texted back "what?" She texted me back the same message with a bit more detail, so then I called her and basically he had been swimming when this croc appeared out of nowhere and took a bite. His brother raced in and somehow got him free and pulled him ashore. That was the story from mother hubbard. Was pretty worried about that chap, have known him 20 years, so was a tad freaked out in work. Waited for more news. Did a google on his name as soon as I found out. Started with the basica sean+treacy+crocodile. Didnt bring back any relevant results. Come four o'clock, that newspaper they give out for free at tube stations in London the Metro had picked up on it, followed by the Sun and the Irish papers. The Sun has declared he tried to swim the lagoon for a bet but have nothing to back this up with. The most accurate story I have found found is this one.

Imagine that at your wedding. Im pretty sure he can sell some stories out of this, maybe heat magazine or notw. For now, im glad he's safe and sound. Hopefully he can moved from whatever hell hole hospital he is in. I have a feeling the hospitals in Mexico are nearly as bad as Beaumount.

Monday, 9 June 2008

Straight outta Drumcompton!

Of course like all my recent trips home, it begins in disaster. And, of course, this disaster revolves around the Ryanair bastard machine. I couldnt print off my ticket for some reason and when I told them at the check in that their website was Ken Ackered they told me £4 for ticket. The good old Ryanair charges, and I had promised myself all week I wouldnt get caught for any of their bullshit charges but I got caught in the end.

Flight of course takes off an hour and forty minutes late. I was at the boarding gate from about 9:40 and boarding was suppose to be 9:50. There was a group of buxom women having a great time and one of them gave me a wave so I gave her a little smile and went back to watching South Park on my Ipod touch. We board the plane finally at 10:50. I have needed to use the bathroom for a while at this stage and of course the bitch on the plane wont let me have a little twinkle before we take off. Well we dont take off for another hour but how was I suppose to know. I just sat there contemplating pissing on there plane.

The buxom ladies are still having a great time screaming with laughter, then a moment of terror. "Im going to talk to that guy he's sitting on his own." Im sitting on my own, maybe she's not talking about me I think to myself. The footsteps are getting closer she is closing in on me. So she plonks her ass down and "blah blah blah. isnt this terrible. where's good to go in Dublin." Temple Bar I say cheekly. Well she already fuckin knows that of course more yapping, I just want her to go away. She eventually does after telling me where she is staying for the weekend and we should meet up for a drink. The wedding ring on her hand hasn't escaped my eye and I have pretty much decided I would never marry a British girl/woman. Fuckin hell!

Finally up in the air and I hear the most beautiful sound in the world, bing! Im straight up the aisle and I clock myself in the mirror pissing and I have never looked happier, big reliefed head on me. I get out of trap 1 and those assholes are in front of me with the drink trolley and wont get out of the way so I have to walk behind them half a foot every minute for about 20 minutes so I can get back into my seat. Of course this gives the Buxom women plenty of time to basically take the piss out of me. I am buying my own plane. Eventually land at 1 and im meant to be home for 1130, everyone is already out drinking and I am not a happy bunny.