Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Yer MA! To Sir Maxi Cane

LOU says:
Johnny BOy says:
so does your ma
LOU says:
Johnny BOy says:
thats what your ma said to the sheep
LOU says:
aw shut up
Johnny BOy says:
i would but your ma is making me scream
LOU says:
enough already
Johnny BOy says:
your ma cant get enough of me
LOU says:
yip yip
Johnny BOy says:
thats what your ma says
LOU says:
im no gna speak 2 u if u carry this on
Johnny BOy says:
your ma will speak to me
LOU says:
keep dreaming sonny
Johnny BOy says:
i dream about your ma all the time
LOU says:
gd bye then
Johnny BOy says:
your ma never says goodbye
LOU says:
im not speakin
Johnny BOy says:
its ok il speak to your ma
LOU says:
feel free
Johnny BOy says:
your mas free all the time
LOU says:
bla de bla de bla
u dnt half talk some garbage
Johnny BOy says:
your ma collects my garbage
LOU says:
ur no even funny now
Johnny BOy says:
your ma thinks im funny
LOU says:
no chance
im away
if u cnt talk some sense
Johnny BOy says:
your ma never goes away
LOU says:
shouldnt have bothered
Johnny BOy says:
your ma always bothers
LOU says:
ur pissin me off!!!!
Johnny BOy says:
your ma pissed on me once
LOU says:
fuck of johnny
Johnny BOy says:
your ma never tells me to fuck off
yer ma liked this blog
LOU says:
well i aint reading it
Johnny BOy says:
your ma loved it
LOU says:
get a grip
Johnny BOy says:
your ma got a grip of me
LOU says:
woopy fuckn doo doo
Johnny BOy says:
your ma was fantastic
your ma was woopy fuckn doo doo
LOU says:
get over urslef
Johnny BOy says:
your ma would read that blog
your ma cant get over me
LOU says:
if ur no gna hav a proper conversation minus the ma then dnt bother

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

The sex list

When I was twelve I used to keep a list of the amount of girls I had snogged. Well bored in work tonight I created another list as I wasnt sure of the magic number.

No im not going to tell you the magic number!

When you start dating a girl, the question eventually comes "How many sexual partners have you had?"

This usually strikes a bit of a panic button in me. In the past ive lied and lied and then lied some more. I then thought I would just divide the number in 2 and tell anyone in future thats what it was. Well I remember the look of disgust I got with that answer.

Is their a right answer to this God awful question?

Its a real no mans land question.

If you say less than 5, they will think your some relationship guy and will probably scare them off.

If you say more than 10 they will think your a whore.

In defence of women, if you ask them the same question and they told me they had two guys before me. I would be thinking, YA FUCKIN SLUT!

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Lowry wins but no moola?

Can someone explain this one to me? Shane Lowry won the Irish open last weekend and of course he was ecstatic. And so he should be, he became only the third irishman to win the Open in 27 years.

This is the bit I dont get. First prize was half a million but because Lowry is an amateur it goes to the pro who came second. Why the hell cant amateurs win the prize fund? Ive gone through a few sports media sites and they all tell me the same fucking thing. Actually its the exact same paragraph they all seem to have word for word.

"While Lowry can savour a two-year exemption when he decides to turn professional, Rock's consolation was to pocket the €500,000 first prize."


What exactly is he savouring?


Monday, 18 May 2009

Im wasting in my life in front of a tv, BRILLANT!

As I have stated many times before I love a bit of tv.

I have needed to find a new show since Shameless finished and South Park and the last episode of SCRUBS EVER was shown last week. Apparently they might continue the series but Zach Braff has said its his last episode so I dont see how that could work without him.

THe never ending Prison Break is back on our screens again, ughhhhhhhh. Of course I have been watching it and its still a big bag of shite but I cant help myself.

Peep Show will be back on our screens some time this summer, but what the hell am I suppose to do until then? Trying to break some assholes fastest time for Ghost Valley on SNES is proving impossible and I have to terms with im never getting in that damn book of Guinness World Records.

A good friend pointed me in the direction of the Big Bang Theory. The show revoles around the lives of two nerds and the hot girl next door. The brains meet the social queen. Sounds like a soppy American teen comedy but it has some moments of genius. Weirdly enough remember Darlene from Roseanne she went out with David, well their both in this and they dont seem to have aged a day.

Me being me watched the whole first series in a few days and here are a few of my favourite quotes from it:

Penny: I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know...
Sheldon:Yes... it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relevant to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: Participate in the what?

Leonard: Do you really need your Honorary Membership of the Justice League card?
Sheldon: I've had it in every wallet I owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says here, "Keep it on your person at all times." See, right here, under Batman's signature.

Sheldon: Engineering—where the semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello Oompa-Loompas of science.

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Your services are no longer required!

So yesterday I found out my contract was not going to be renewed in July. By then I will have been contracted here for exactly eighteen months.

So how do I feel about all this?

I will be sad to leave Bournemouth and the all the nice people I have met down here. Im not bothered about the job though. I came to the UK to get some experience in my field and sleep with english women, to make up for 500 years of bullshit from the British Government. The Irish government even gave me a small grant for my troubles.

My friend has kindly offered to put me up for a while.

Hi ho, hi ho its off to London I go!

Monday, 11 May 2009

Fuck the Credit Crunch Volume 1

Here is a perfectly normal thing to do during a credit crunch. Spending $17,030 on a computer. Unfortunately my house got burgled and those fuckers took my ps3 and my laptop. Shame they didnt take Aaron with them, the idiot who left the back door open haha.

Anywhere for you nerds out there, here is the spec.


* Intel Core i7-965 - 3.2GHz EE PHOBOS OC (250)

* BFG Approved Intel X58-Based - Supports NVIDIA SLI (3-Way/Quad) (0)

Graphic Cards:
* Two BFG GeForce GTX 295 1.79GB PHOBOS OC (Quad SLI) (700)

* 12GB PC3-10666 DDR3 - 1333MHz (100)

Operating System:
* Microsoft Vista Ultimate 64-bit (0)

Add a Graphics Card for Dedicated PhysX Processing:
* Add BFG GeForce GTX 285 1GB PHOBOS OC for PhysX (200)


* Western Digital Velociraptor 300GB (250)
* Western Digital Velociraptor 300GB (250)
* Western Digital Velociraptor 300GB (250)
* Western Digital Velociraptor 300GB (250)

Optical Drives:
* Panasonic Blu-ray BD-RE / DVD-RW / CD-RW (700)
* Panasonic Blu-ray BD-RE / DVD-RW / CD-RW (700)

Power Supply:
* BFG 1200 Watt Power Supply (0)

Add In Cards:

Network Card
* Killer NIC M1 Gaming Network Card - PCI (250)

Sound Card:
* Creative X-FI Titanium 7.1 Surround - PCI Express (0)

TV Tuner Card:
* Dual TV-Tuner & Encoder (130)

Antivirus and Internet Security: Norton 360 Security

Benchmarking: 3DMark Vantage - Basic Edition

DVD and Burning Software: Nero 9 DVD and Burning Software:

Cyberlink Power DVD 8

Productivity (Choose only one Office version): Microsoft Office 2007

Professional Productivity (Choose only one Office version): Adobe Acrobat Standard

Photo and Video Editing: Adobe Premiere and Photoshop Elements

Bundle Games: Need for Speed: Undercover

Games: Grand Theft Auto IV

Games: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3

Games: Microsoft Flight Simulator X

Games: Fallout 3

Games: Call of Duty: World at War

Games: Farcry 2

Free Popular Applications: Apple iTunes

Free Popular Applications: Valve Steam Game Client

Free Popular Applications: Mozilla Firefox Web Browser


Monitors: Samsung SyncMaster LN40A650 40" 1080p LCD TV / Display
Samsung SyncMaster 245T 24- $750
Samsung SyncMaster 245T 24- $750

Mice: Logitech MX Air Rechargeable Cordless Mouse

Speakers: Logitech Z-5500 5.1 Surround

Headphones and Headsets: Sennheiser PC350 Headset

Universal Remotes (Media Center): Gyration Air Music Remote IR/RF

Keyboards: Logitech G19 Wired Gaming Keyboard

Game Controllers: Saitek X52 Flight Control Joystick

Game Controllers: Microsoft Xbox 360 Wireless Controller for PC

Game Controllers: Logitech MOMO Racing Wheel & Footpedals

External Storage: WD My Book Mirror Edition 2TB

External Device: Logitech QuickCam Orbit 2.0 Megapixel PC Camera

Power/UPS: APC Back-UPS BR1500LCD 900W/1500VA Batt. Back Up w/ LCD


* 3 Year Phobos Warranty (500)

File Transfer:
* One Computer or External Device (0)

Installation Type:
* Home Theater ()

Network Setup:
* Wireless ()

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Underage tits on the screen?

I have watched Shameless since series 1 and I am a huge fan of the show. Frank Gallagher screaming "Party" is priceless. In the show Debbie played by Rebecca Ryan is suppose to be a sixteen year old girl. She is basically the head of the house as Frank is too drunk to look after himself let alone a few children.

Ive seen Debbie grow from a little girl on the show to a stroppy teenager. So I was a tad shocked when she got her tits out on the show and was shagged beside the washing machine in the kitchen. It was a weird experience for me, it was like watching someone I know lose their innocence. UGHHHHHHHhh

I watch too much tv!

The episode aired a day after Rebecca Ryan turned 18, apparently they used a body double during filming as she was underage at the time of filming.

Facebook and work people

Why do people from work have to add me as a friend? It's bad enough I have to see them for 40 hours a week, I don't need them peering into my life when I go home.

How do you deal with these people though? Ignore their request or even down right reject it? I now have around 30 or 40 people from my company on my facebook its gotten ridiculous. Some of them I have never even met, just spoke on the phone about work crap. How does that make you my friend?

I would like to point out, I am quite happy to add girls who are posing half naked. That's totally different!