I began University in 2001 and of course I was full of enthusiasm and all that crap. Yeah whatever! I went to Uni for 4 reasons. I didn't want to work, to meet alot of women who might have sex with me, to drink until I fell over and reason number one again. Orientation week, FUN week or whatever the hell they called it. No lecturers or work, just guided tours and the pub.
For some reason still unknown to me, I had signed up for a hard course. Computer science and software engineering. What the hell was I thinking? Not only was I picking a ridiculous hard course, I had also engineered myself into a course where there was 10 dudes to every dudette. At least the social life had been good so far. Drinking all night and day and never going on any of the tours or meet the lecturers lunches.
The student union had arranged this mystery tour into town, which basically consisted of them dumping us into the worst nightclub in town. I have a bad memory of that night which will haunt me until my death. One of the student union lets get involved fuckers decided, it would be a great idea to get a sing-a-long going on the bus. He decided to sing Dennis Leary Im an Asshole. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE!!
Next day, we have to go to this student union meeting. I have got the shakes really bad. I drank everything the night before and talked random crap to everyone I met. I still had people coming up to me in my final year asking "aren't you that guy?" And the sad and terrible truth was yes, yes I was that guy.
I had somehow managed to pull three different girls from the course I was joining. There was 350 people in my class, somewhere between 30 - 40 were female. I am or never was that attractive so how this all happened I dont know and your probably wondering where the embarrassing moment is coming from here, but its coming.
The SU dude was basically trying to be Mr Cool, telling us where to go drinking and general Uni advise. "Now this is the most important thing you need to know about life at Uni. Do not get off with anyone from your course, their are plenty of other people in other courses to get off with. You dont want any awkward situations everyday." This asshole was a virgin if I ever seen one. Unfortunately for me, I was sitting beside a friend from my old school and of course he did what was natural and fucking pissed himself laughing. All eyes on fucking us now. I am pulling my hoodie around my head and trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. The SU guy wants to know what my so called friend is laughing about and asks has he already been stupid with one of the girls. So he gladly informs him he hasn't but his good friend here had gotten off with 3 of the cast of 101 dalmations. Well laughter and laughter and pointing and me trying to dig a fucking hole with a bic pen out of there. But of course he wasn't letting go that easy, this fuckin nazi had finally got his audience to listen to his punkass and he was milking it. "So which one did you take home?" "Did you buy any of them a drink?" "Are they here now?" "Point them out!" If he had actually looked around the classroom it wouldn't have been hard to figure out who it was 347 eyes were on me, the other 3 were looking away, hoping they wouldn't get dragged into it. Well I am far too much of a gentleman to drag anyone else into it. So I flipped him the bird which he didnt like at all, kind of shut everyone else up too. They weren't expecting that one haha. It wasn't even that I was that embarrased about the whole thing, I just wanted to get out of there so I could go for a cure, I was fucking dying and this wasn't helping things at all. He quickly moved onto another subject and everyone started falling asleep again. Our yearhead I remember had arrived in towards the end, so missed my fall from grace. I guess the SU dude wanted to leave on a high note so he asked me to come down and write my number on the board in case I had forgotten to give to the ladies last night. I just laughed this time hahahahah then he came for a pint with the class after and I bought him a pint and proceded to go to the toilet and take a big piss in it before I brought it over to him. "No hard feelings he asked?" "No sir, none at all."
YES I AM A RIGHT baSTARD AND I WOULD LIKE TO THINK I HAVE CHANGED SINCE THOSE DAYS, BUT I HAVEN'T REALLY. IM SITTING HERE WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.
coke, mousse and snes
8 years ago