Friday, 24 April 2009

Fat Beard and Susan Boyle

You really know you have become a star when the guys behind South Park decide your their shithead of the week and they make fun of you in an episode. In the latest episode named Fat Beard, Cartman decides to start a pirate club in school and then there off to join the pirates in Somalia.

Ike leaves his parents this note to explain why he's leaving, I laughed for about 10 minutes.

“Everyone at school is a fuckin idiot and if one more person talks to me about that Susan Boyle performance of Les Miserables I was going to puke my balls out through my mouth."


For those of you who have patience and didn't watch the episode online, its UK premiere is tonight on paramount at 10.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

The Apprentice - Hopefully fired this week

Right hands up who hates that Belfast bastard on the Apprentice. Im pretty sure its not just me. Here are his qualifications BA (Hons) Economics & Business, whoop-di-fuckin-do. He is full of his own self-importance and I can't believe anyone else on the show would have a good word to say about him. Out of everyone on the show I would want to work with him the least, I think I would end up wrapping my telephone lead around his throat. The sooner this fucker is thrown off the show the better.

If they dont fire him this week, I am quite happy for any of the falling people to get sacked.

Poor old Noorul, I only want him left in for comic value really. His team meeting last week was classic and the poor bastard was obviously out of his depth. The decision to sell the soaps dressed up in one of those outfits they wear so not to be stung was great. It looked like they were trying to sell anthrax. No chance of winning, but not a bad bloke.

She just annoys me and she's not very pleasant on the eye.

He just has a face that I would like to give a good smack, and he appears utter shite in the tasks.

Monday, 20 April 2009

So you can get tagged in a blog apparently?

So DailyDaydreamer or DD as I refer to as (yes i am still really a 12 year old boy) has tagged me and now I have to do some quiz thingy. I dont mind doing this one as I am bored in work but this better not turn into some facebook invitation nightmare.

So basically I have to tell you what things I wish I had created/wrote/directed. I am going to do all this anyway once I can get the DeLorean to fucking start.

Movie: This was a tough call but it would have to be Jerry Maguire, it's just such a warm film. I love ROD TIDWELL! WHOSE MY MOTHERFUCKER?

Song: Bruce Springsteen - I'm on fire. No explanation if you haven't heard it watch the video below, it will change your whole life! Well maybe not, but I love it.

Chocolate bar: Nestle Baby Ruth! Omg my mouth just got very wet. Im off to order a box online.

Invention: A bra that a man can snap open quickly. Im getting sick of having to carry a scissors around.

Event: I would reinvent the FIFA World Cup and would not have allowed England to host it and then they would never have won the fuckin thing and I wouldn't have to listen to them talking about it 40 years later.

Ok so apparently I have to tag 3 people to do this now. So im being sneaky about this one. Abby you have been tagged so you basically have to come out of blog retirement, gonna tag Gimp too as he only wrote his first entry of the month last night at 3am and I am going to tag UnaRocks, although I doubt we will see her return.

Traaron !

We dont have many rules in our house but one rule is if your fall asleep on the couch we will write on you at the very least. Here is a the trailer to Aaron the movie which had its premiere at my birthday party. His nickname in the house is Trigger aka the stupid guy from only fools and horses who calls Rodney Dave the whole time. We have now renamed him Traaron a mix of Trigger and Aaron.

Here's the trailer to Aaron the movie.

Friday, 17 April 2009

Friday Smile :) (Email from the lady)

"Oh dear things must be serious ..couldn’t think of a password so used your name!!

Note this is to access personality disorder data haha

See ya later (as long as you aren’t grumpy!)

S x"


Thursday, 9 April 2009

Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors

Does anyone remember this? And am I the only still pissed off that 20 years later we still dont have a conclusion. Someone needs to come up with the money so they can make the last 1 hour special so I know what happens!

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

The man!

Another Ryanair flight, another fucking disaster of course. They never sent me my confirmation email of course. I give one of the lads a ring to see can I get a lift. Its 12:30 my flights at 13:40 but this is typical me, organised people go on organised holidays and take organised photos. Yeah there is a meaning in that somewhere but im not deep enough to comphrend it.

Good old Neiler "Yeah no problem shag"

I dont really understand why welsh people call each other shag. Its not the same as the irish saying as shes a ride. Neil doesnt want to have sex with me.

I get hit with a 20 quid fine at Ryanair check in as I couldn't check in online as they never sent me the damn confirmation. Tough shit Paddy! Pay the fine and then contact complaints to get it back. Two hopes of that.

Big queue waiting for the plane. So I sit down and read the paper until only about 10 people remain and then I join the queue. There was a guy there with his son, looked like a big of a headcase. Extreme Dublin accent, long hair, ear rings and a ten year old boy. He had some how lost his boarding card between the security and the departure gates. He was reassuring his son that everything was ok while at the sametime screaming at the staff.

I boarded the plane and sat down beside some randomer. There was a seat between us. He had the window and I had the aisle. Well the Brendan Kilkenny lookalike got on the plane with his son and was still cursing the staff and telling his son everything was rosey. He walked the length of the plane and then realised there was nowhere for the two of them to sit together and he went fucking mental. Screaming at the staff. I offered to move seat and sat beside two girls who peered over my shoulder and read my paper whenever it got to something interesting like Madonna cant adopt african goldfish.

The Long haired Screamer was all so thankful to me. He shook my hand and shouted "you always meet nice people wherever you go, pity about the fuckin staff." Himself and his son had a bit of a picnic on board with them and were munching away. Everytime they came to a new item the man asked his son to ask the man did he want some. I got offered a sandwich, a sup of coke, a sup of fanta, a jaffacake and some pringles. I no thanks them.

I love Ryanair flights. The two girls I was sitting with had obviously had some sort of tiffy before they got on. But now they were hugging and holding hands and I was imagining a 3some, then we landed and now I will never see them again :(

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Im a bad man and so are you!

45 people got let go in my office today. Well the people on the third floor. I only know about 4 of them and when I say know them I mean I know them to see. Anyway im on the late shift this week and you know what happens on the late shift? I get bored and change keys on people's keyboards and reroute their phones and stuff like that.

Well anyone who has worked in an office knows what happens when someone leaves a company. You take their office shit. So this evening I went upstairs in the lift and treated myself to a beautiful leather whose your daddy chair, that was specifically bought for some dude who had broken his back before. Its very comfy.

Not wanting to be out done, one of my colleagues helped himself to two 19 inch dell monitors and replaced them with one 15 inch Nec and one 14 inch no name piece of shit.

Well Tommy from accounts wasn't having any of this. He wandered upstairs to see what he could come back with.


Then I remembered something horrifying

"Wasn't there a girl sitting at the desk where that pink stabler was?"

Tommy: "Yeah but she was just backing up her personals, so I asked could I have it and she started crying."

Im staring at him in disbelief, he goes back to banging his keyboard.

Its true what they say ACCOUNTANTS ARE WANKERs and if they dont say that Tommy its just you!