Tuesday, 7 October 2008


I am a really good friend and I think most of my friends would agree. One of my friends has joined a film course with 12 other Spielberg wannabe's. Last week was the first class and this week they had been asked to come up with an idea for a short movie. They would pick 2 or 3 to do then from the 12 students. He asked for some constructive critisicm, maybe he asked the wrong guy.....

ME: get your man bag out
so tell me about the script npw
or the idea
or the treatment as you pros call it

jp: ok scene 1 - Man on centre of bridge over motorway, distressed, anxious. Cold, cleak day, sombre music (Character is called Jumper - not 'a jumper')

man going past, joggign, dog walking, seems him distressed, approaches slowly. Tries to calm him down talk him out of it.gets him to tell him what's wrong

he agrees, start scene 2 flashback

me: presuming u meant a bleak day

jp: haha

jp: yeah

me: how can he jog and walk his dog at the sametime

jp: one of the other

me: wheres the rhino

jp: fk off

me i know where ones going cheap

jp: so he takes a call in his car parked, loanshark saying times up, pay me the money now

or else

it's night btw

me: what in the car park or on the bridge

jp: so he sees some bird, looks like she got money

jp: no this is scene2

jp: flashback

jp: starts with call in car

me: you need to get your presentaion skills together, instead of 1 person asking you stupid questions tonight there will 12

jp: so he mugs the bird,but it goes wrong and she gets shot or hit by car

fk u im tyoing



stupid questions

anyway, so he wants to jump because he killed her

back on bridge

me: ok so theres this bird walking around with a couple of grand in her pocket on her own in a carpark at night, that was lucky wasnt it

jp: well maybe some other place

she could be a stripper

they got loads a cash

anyway, he's back on bridge, been hanging onto her id from her wallet

and it turns out its samaritans GF or sister

so he tries to get off bridge as he's too chicken shit

but the smaaritna pushes him of


me: you know why there not going to pick your one

jp: no rhino?

too much death?

me: well obviously thats part of it, but your gonna have to film at day and night, and you need a motorway and a bridge

jp: wow, how will we do that
day and night
yeah it's fked
thats crap
um theres plenty of bridges over dual carriageway

me: how you going to film on a motorway, not like your going to have a permit to close down the road. " BOurnemouth police would like to advise, that the N17 is closed today so JOhn P and his 12 mates from film class can film the death scene

jp: we just use the bridge
im not really gonna make an actor jump off it
anyway, bridge can be clifftop or builind
thanks for the constructive criticism
when i'm rolling in it, making the next batman movie, sticking my dick in Angelina Jolies ear, don't come running to me for a leg-up

me: who goes for a jog on the top of a building

jp: its a treatment john
not a full blown script

me: how did he get the dog up there

jp: your a tosser

me: so are producers

jp: its a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a treatment johnts a

me: how you getting the rhino on the roof
maybe he could be running into the wall of the building and thats why he falls off just as he was about to come down

jp: i got a film about an irishman who gets fked by a rhino aka his houstmate kelly

me: yeah that shit would sell


Anthony said...

Lmao. Classic man, classic.

whoopsadaisy said...

Well. You were very honest with him and all of us need an honest friend :D