Tuesday, 13 May 2008

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I was out in the garden today working on my tan. Bournemouth has had a bit of a heat wave the last week or so and its been bikini city. Anyway got interrupted by continous knocks on the door. We really need to get a peep hole. Opened the door and there was two mormons smiling at me. AH NO! Instead of being a right bastard and just closing the door on them, I offered a hello. Big mistake. "Blah blah blah, have you got half an hour. Who cant afford half an hour?" I cant, I have facebook chat and msn and porn and blogs and I need a cigeratte now.

Its really hard to actually listen to someone when you just want them to go away. They werent taking the bullet though. First attempt: 1. "Im actually Catholic." I presumed these people were banging on the doors in the UK as most people in the UK havent been baptised. Well most in the 0-35 bracket that I have met or else they cant remember as they dont have the same school and religion banged in together thing. This did not defer my mormon friend. "Oh so you know all about the message of Jesus Christ and his followers." What was I meant to say no, I havent a clue please come in and tell me all about it.

I was starting to wish it was the Church of Scientology, I could have just bought a book off them to get them off the door. Second attempt: "Im kinda busy." This was terrible, he could see right through my shit. These dudes had got me cornered now, if it was someone selling something I could have just said "here fuck off now or Im gonna boot you in the balls." I didnt feel comfortable telling the God Squad to fuck off. "Have you got any favourite stories or passages from the bible?" I was dying to tell him the pulp fiction one or the whole beware of the pale horse thing thats in every horror film ever. But no, its like talking to a priest, terrible.

I eventually got rid of them after about twenty minutes, when I agreed to go a meeting on Sunday. I think something is going to come up that will force me to cancel strangely enough. Good old Wikipedia, here is some stuff you might not know about this religion.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, widely known as the LDS Church or the Mormon Church, is the fourth largest Christian denomination in the U.S.[3][4] and the largest and most well-known denomination originating from the Latter Day Saint movement founded by Joseph Smith, Jr. in 1830.

In the LDS Church, both men and women may enter a celestial marriage with only one partner at a time. A man may be sealed to more than one woman, however, if his wife dies, after which he may enter another celestial marriage, and be sealed to both his living wife and deceased wife or wives. Many Mormons assume that all these marriages will be valid in the eternities and the husband will live together in the afterlife as a polygamous family with all wives to whom he was sealed. On page 72 of the 1998 edition of the Church Handbook of Instructions, the LDS Church clarified that a woman may also be sealed to more than one man. A woman, however, may not be sealed to more than one man while she is alive. She may only be sealed to subsequent partners after she has died. [1] Church leaders have not clarified if women in such circumstances will live in a polyandrous relationship in the afterlife.

In my opinon you should always be wary of any religion where the blokes can fuck more than women. It was probably started by some horny old hound. Smith the founder, claimed God and his Son had appeared before him when he was 14 and when he told the local minister, he was perseceuted and they called it the devil at work. THen a few years later a resurrected prophet showed up at his gaff telling him where these ancient scripts were. They bought dug up a hole and found the tablets with the true meaning of Christianity on them. He tried to run for presidency of the United States, he formed his own bank to draw money from and went bankrupt in 21 days. While in jail, 200 men charged the prison and got into his cell. Smith had somehow gotten a pistol from a visitor and shot three of them. He died though trying to escape out a window after taking several bullets.