After a wonderful xmas, there is a mistake in my account and all the money I spent while home at xmas hasnt been taken off my balance. I start my photography course and fall in love with a blonde Asian who cooks me all sorts of exotic dishes.
Blonde Asian gets deported after links with Triads. Triads give me £10k for hiding five Asians in my shed for a weekend. Become slightly irritated at photo course but still shine brightly. Travel to Edinburgh to see cousins to get cheered up. Drink lots of beer and remember stories from my childhood in the country. Win best paddyinengland award at blog awards.
Given a small part in a low budget horror which will go on to gross over a £100 million when its released. Travel to Cardiff, Ireland destroy Wales in Rugby, I rub salt in the wounds of the Welsh by shagging Charlotte Church.
Celebrate my 26th birthday in Vegas, win four million on a dollar slot machine. Get comped with the fuckin Rainman suite. Buy the penthouse apartment in moo lane temple bar, buy huge Victorian style house in Bournemouth, buy GT 500.
I have £1.2 million left, have been calling in sick to work on a regular basis and I have my first written warning. I pay a doctor £500 to give me a 6 month sick note, explaining that I am very stressed with the state of the world and need a complete break. I spend the rest of May planning the rest of my year.
I come up with a brillant new idea for a website, it brings in a steady income and I can give two of my unemployable friends a job. I go to Glastonbury and see Elvis play on the mainstage.
Website reaches 80,000 members, I have to fire one of my friends for trying to put his dick in the printer.
Im tired and go here to relax
After been on a waiting list for 10 hours I get my Man Utd season ticket.
Watch Man Utd beat Real Madrid 6-0, Rooney scoring 5 and Ronaldo scoring a 46 yard free kick which rips the net and smacks a fat man in the face.
I sell my website for 5 million and buy an apartment in Tenerife, spend the rest of the month there drinking heavily and contemplating life.
Spend the month mainly on Ryanair flights between Bournemouth and Dublin and making the perfect pancake.
Elvis gets Britney pregnant, Michael Jackson becomes the first champion of celebrity UFC, I eat alot of TUrkey.
coke, mousse and snes
8 years ago